Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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