Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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