Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
