it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
