Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
