i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
