one two three fourrrrnication!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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