We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
