Plan B is the new Plan A
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your penis caused this!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
