if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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