so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
