After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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