i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my shit smells like andre
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
