True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
