false alarm. still invincible.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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