I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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