You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I just shit out all my problems.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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