You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
