when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need moral support for this bender
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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