That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
