We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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