I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
