So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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