Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You left your phone here
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