who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
