6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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