This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
