I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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