I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
