while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
