I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
