Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
