Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
