you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
