No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Panties = found
Randomize
