That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
