When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
