1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
