Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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