Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
