he told me I talked like a deaf person
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
