Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
