She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
