What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
