wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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