He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
