best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
