what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
