I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize