But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
